Values Over Valuables - What Is Your Legacy?

This is my guest post today from www.simplemarriage.net.

Which do you think people value more: a financial or non-financial inheritance? Or, to put it another way, if you lost a loved one, what legacy would you want to have from them?

The statistics may surprise you. A few years ago, Allianz Life Insurance Company of North America conducted a survey of over 2600 baby boomers and elders.

According to the survey, participants felt a non-financial legacy was 10 times more important than money and other assets. Think about that; the response overwhelmingly favored a personal heritage over worldly goods, values over valuables.

77% of boomers and elders personally felt values and life experiences were very important parts of an inheritance. How exciting to realize that virtually every single person has the ability to leave a meaningful heritage for their loved ones!

Which types of values are the most important to leave as your legacy? They include your personal values, ethics, religion, memories, heritage, and family stories. Not coincidentally, these values are all elements of an Ethical Will.

While an Ethical Will is non-legal and non-financial, to your family it is priceless.

Leaving a legacy your family will treasure can be as simple as writing them a love letter or capturing your words in an audio or video recording. Whatever you decide to do, here are some of the topics you can include:

• Your History – Past and Present
Remember all the great stories you used to hear when you were a kid? Some of them might have been fantasies, like bedtime stories, but many of them were probably true. For me, the best stories came from favorite family members and friends. I recall everyone sitting around the kitchen table while Grandpa talked about farming, or Uncle Morris told a tall tale about raising pigs. I was fascinated, hanging on their every word. Those are among the stories I want to pass down to my young grandchildren and even to future generations.

Have you started a genealogy or family tree? I love to visualize a bare oak tree with the roots exposed as in this diagram. That forms the heritage and structure of a family, which includes all the dates, places, and names. Now consider all your family stories – those are what flesh out the tree, including the leaves and blossoms that make it interesting. If your family is like mine, those stories flesh out all the fruits and nuts of a family, too. They are the quirky, personal stories that everyone loves to hear.

• Life Lessons and Achievements
Think about your own life. Everyone experiences and responds differently to life lessons. That is why they are such an important element of your Ethical Will. What have you learned during your life, when, and from whom? Your life lessons often shape who you are and who you become.

What have been your proudest accomplishments and why? What can your descendants learn from your successes and missteps? Which achievements by your family have made you proud? How does having confidence in yourself lead you to more successes?

Think about the wisdom you can bequeath to your family. Flesh out your advice with stories and examples. What advice do you want your friends and family to remember? How can you help them in some way?

• Personal Values and Beliefs
Your personal values are unique to you, and they may vary from time to time. Every person responds differently to the influences in their lives and what life dishes out to them. Examining your own personal values allows you to figure out not only who you are, but who you want to become.

Your values are determined by your heart, your family, your friends, your religion, and your community. They may be as ingrained in you as DNA. Consider which personal values and beliefs you want to include in your Ethical Will.

• Hopes for the Future
Voice your hopes for the future, for you, your family, your community, and your world. Which hopes and dreams are most important to you for your vision of the future? What do you look forward to sharing with those you love?

As you start working on your Legacy of Love, relish the thought that your values are more important than any valuables you may leave behind.

To whom do you plan to write your first Ethical Will?

Alice Pyne's Bucket List, ver. 2

My apologies for the problems I seem to be having with blogger.com today. We'll see if this attempt allows you to see the links I wanted to use.

 

People tend to think they'll live forever, even though logically they know it's not true. But what if you knew your time on earth was coming to an end? Would you attack your Bucket List (http://onestoryatatime.blogspot.com/2011/04/bucket-list-for-your-family.html) with a vengeance, just cry and feel sorry for yourself, or make the most of your last days?

 

One young 15-year-old girl in the UK named Alice finds herself in exactly that position. She has terminal cancer, but she started a blog to share news with her friends, family, and total strangers like me. Her blog, http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/2011/06/oh-dear.html , includes her Bucket List.

 

Being the skeptic I am, I wanted to check the validity of her story before sharing it with others. Here is a link to her story from the British Prime Minister: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-13702876 .

 

The remarkable thing about her blog is that she is not asking for donations or money; she wants ALL people to register to become bone marrow donors. What an amazing goal for a young girl, and one the Prime Minister endorses.

 

We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to challenges. Our responses to those obstacles are an important part of who we are. We have an ideal opportunity to share our experiences through an Ethical Will, or love letter to our families, http://onestoryatatime.blogspot.com/2011/02/ethical-wills-love-letters-to-your.html . One of my goals is to encourage everyone to write a simple Ethical Will at whatever stage of life they are in.

 

Working with high school groups, I showed them how easy the process is to create an Ethical Will. Ideally, it can be updated every five years or so, or before or after milestone events. The great thing about starting an Ethical Will at an early age is being able to look back on how someone's personal values have changed over the years.

 

The other benefit at any age is having a heartfelt message to share with family and friends. In addition, it is a wonderful way to open the door to communication, preferably while the author is still alive. If we let others know just how much they mean to us now, consider how much closer we can become. That's what life is all about.

 

Have you created a Bucket List or started your own Ethical Will? I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Alice Pyne's Bucket List

People tend to think they'll live forever, even though logically they know it's not true. But what if you knew your time on earth was coming to an end? Would you attack your Bucket List with a vengeance, just cry and feel sorry for yourself, or make the most of your last days?

 

One young 15-year-old girl in the UK named Alice finds herself in exactly that position. She has terminal cancer, but she started a blog to share news with her friends, family, and total strangers like me. Her blog includes her Bucket List.

 

Being the skeptic I am, I wanted to check the validity of her story before sharing it with others. Here is a link to her story from the British Prime Minister.

 

The remarkable thing about her blog is that she is not asking for donations or money; she wants ALL people to register to become bone marrow donors. What an amazing goal for a young girl, and one the Prime Minister endorses.

 

We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to challenges. Our responses to those obstacles are an important part of who we are. We have an ideal opportunity to share our experiences through an Ethical Will, or love letter to our families. One of my goals is to encourage everyone to write a simple Ethical Will at whatever stage of life they are in.

 

Working with high school groups, I showed them how easy the process is to create an Ethical Will. Ideally, it can be updated every five years or so, or before or after milestone events. The great thing about starting an Ethical Will at an early age is being able to look back on how someone's personal values have changed over the years.

 

The other benefit at any age is having a heartfelt message to share with family and friends. In addition, it is a wonderful way to open the door to communication, preferably while the author is still alive. If we let others know just how much they mean to us now, consider how much closer we can become. That's what life is all about.

 

Have you created a Bucket List or started your own Ethical Will? I'd love to hear about your experiences.

Bucket List for Your Family

This post first appears today as my guest post on Simple Marriage.net.


You’ve probably seen or heard about the recent Rob Reiner movie called The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. In case you haven’t, take a moment to check out its trailer on You Tube here.

The premise of the movie is that two older gentlemen each have terminal cancer. While in the hospital, Morgan Freeman’s character recalled a class assignment from a college professor to make a list of all the things they wanted to do in their lives before they died, i.e., kick the bucket.

Jack Nicholson’s character, a wealthy but irascible old man, was intrigued by the list Morgan started. They decided to take off together on the vacation of a lifetime to drive racecars, go skydiving, and see all the things in the world they had missed. Of course, by the end of the movie, they each acknowledged the importance of family over everything else.



Since seeing the movie when it first came out, I think of that list each time I lose a friend or family member. Did they accomplish their goals? I’m reminded of how important it is to make the most of every single day. We never know how much time we will have on earth. So how do we keep our lives in perspective?

Create a Bucket List for yourself or your family. It can help you prioritize all your hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. You can also include some of the lovely inspirational messages, such as: Stop to smell the roses; Don't count your days, make your days count; Miracles happen to those who believe in them; Never settle for anything less than your best; Count your blessings, not your troubles; Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Start making your Bucket List today—you don’t need to wait until you are dying. You can easily include both long-term and short-term goals. You’ll discover things to do with your individual family, your larger family entity, your spouse, and even by yourself. Discussing your list with your family and friends allows everyone to not only participate in the planning aspects, but also to share in the satisfaction of their accomplishment.

Think about what experiences you want to share with your family. If you’ve always dreamed of taking them to Alaska, the Grand Canyon, or Disney World, put it on your list. When goals are written down, they are much more likely to happen than if they remain a nebulous idea. Too often, people talk about wanting to do something “one of these days”, but by not setting specific goals, those dreams just fade away.

Travel adventures are a wonderful way to keep your family connected at any age, but they don’t need to become elaborate affairs. A night camping out in the backyard with a pup tent and roasting marshmallows over an open fire can create vivid memories for young children that will last a lifetime. Spending an hour in the backyard watching the stars with a loved one is another delightful way to end a day.

When you write your Bucket List, sprinkle in a variety of goals that can be more easily achieved, such as a walk in the woods, a trip to the zoo, flying a kite, taking a family bike trip, building a birdhouse together, or reading a favorite book. Doing so will establish family traditions that can be repeated many times and built upon each year.

As a Personal Historian, I encourage you to preserve all your precious memories in some way. Talking about them is always great, but you can keep them more permanently by recording them in crayon drawings, in photographs, on an audio recorder or a camcorder, in a scrapbook, or in a lovely memory box with souvenirs of your activities.

Another idea to add to your Bucket List is to write your Ethical Will and update it on a regular basis, say every five years, or after milestone events. An ethical will is a love letter or non-legal legacy to your family, where you share your personal values, your heritage and family stories, the life lessons you’ve learned, advice to share, and your hopes for the future.

Regardless of how elaborate your Bucket List becomes, make the most of every day. Someday, when you may know your days are numbered, you don’t want to say you wish you had done something. Do it now, before it’s too late.

Do you have a Bucket List? If so, what types of items does it contain? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Heaven Is For Real

This news article from Denver Channel 2 news from Feb 10 is Amazing! It has also been on other stations and programs. The nice thing is this link has a transcription as well as audio & video.

Heaven Is for Real is a great book about a young boy's near-death experience and how his Dad helped spread his story.

http://www.kwgn.com/news/kdvr-after-neardeath-experience-boy-writes-book-heaven-is-real-20110210,0,4074308.story
www.kwgn.com
IMPERIAL, Neb. -- It sounds like a story dreamed up by a little boy, but to understand what Colton Burpo says, you have to hear what he says happened to him. ..

Finally - Spring Is Sprung!

Since Spring in the Midwest is so-o-o slow coming this year, I dug out a previous Ode to Spring post to help it along.

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is!
(Anon.)

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.


Photo by Amber Domke

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

• FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .
I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.
Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

• BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends
We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)


Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

• TREES – Our Friends in the Forest
We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:
What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

Loss of a Special Lady

Just one week ago, we lost a very special lady—my Aunt Sis. She was a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and neighbor. Fortunately for me, she was also my Godmother and friend.

What made her special was the knack she had for making everyone feel welcome. Friends and family members each got a big hug upon walking into her home, usually followed by an offer to have a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, or at least a piece of chocolate candy that happened to be on a nearby side table.

One of the ways Aunt Sis made me feel special started around the time I turned eight. The wrapping on the birthday present she gave me was unusual: she fashioned a beautiful lacy handkerchief into a flower and tied it with ribbon. I was surprised by her special touch and asked her why she did that.

She replied, “A lady always needs to carry a pretty hanky.”

That hanky was the beginning of a lovely tradition that lasted for many years. I looked forward to discovering her little extra almost as much as the present itself. I saved all those handkerchiefs in my top dresser drawer, to be used only for church on Sunday and special occasions.

My aunt had a knack for growing flowers: Christmas cactus, Amaryllis, violets, and spider plants all thrived under her care. One year, she gave me a spider plant as a housewarming gift; she had raised it on her back porch. I knew the perfect spot for it—atop the laminated beam that ran above the living room of the beautiful log home my husband had just finished building. Each day, when I passed under that beam and saw all the baby spiders hanging gracefully, I thought about her.

When I was a kid, our whole family played a card game called Euchre. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all gathered in friendly competition. I loved to hear Aunt Sis hoot with laughter when she ‘set’ the opposing team, as well as when her team won a crucial point. Years later, my young son and I often played with her and my mom, including a few games of cribbage for variety.

In her later years, Aunt Sis reached a point where she needed more care than she could get at home. She eventually moved into a nursing home. Something remarkable happened there when I visited her on her 93rd birthday.

When I walked into the facility, she thought I was my mother, her younger sister. As we talked, she kept looking at the clock, until I finally asked if she needed to be somewhere. Her reply surprised me.

“Oh, yes, I need to get ready for my date with Mose.”

Mose had been her husband for over 50 years, and he had passed away some 25 years before.

“Where are you two going?” I asked, curious about her state of mind, obviously dwelling in the distant past.

“We’re going to the wedding dance in Papineau.”

When I asked how they met, this is the story she told me.

“Well, I was standing there talking to Louella. You know her, the one with the bleached blonde hair.” I just nodded in agreement and let her continue.

“While we were talking, Louella kept making eyes at a handsome young man, Mose. She watched him coming toward us and thought he was going to ask her to dance. But he came right up,” she said, pointing to her chest swelled with pride, “and asked me to dance instead of Luella.” Her hand gestures and body motions were priceless. When she said “instead of Luella,” she wiggled her shoulders with a shrug and a satisfied nod of her head, just like a thirteen-year-old girl might do.

For another ten minutes, we carried on a conversation time-trapped somewhere in the 1930’s, where her mind temporarily dwelled. All of a sudden, her demeanor changed significantly, and she was confused about where she was . . . and when. I knew she was having a senior moment, but I enjoyed experiencing those few minutes sharing the past with her.

When I heard Aunt Sis passed away last week, I had a personal mission to find two identical white handkerchiefs with lace trim. The first one, I kept as a lovely reminder of her. The second one, I tucked into her sleeve at the funeral home. I knew she was a real lady, so she needed a nice handkerchief for her trip to Heaven.

Farewell to a lovely lady. She will be sorely missed.