Bucket List for Your Family

This post first appears today as my guest post on Simple Marriage.net.


You’ve probably seen or heard about the recent Rob Reiner movie called The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. In case you haven’t, take a moment to check out its trailer on You Tube here.

The premise of the movie is that two older gentlemen each have terminal cancer. While in the hospital, Morgan Freeman’s character recalled a class assignment from a college professor to make a list of all the things they wanted to do in their lives before they died, i.e., kick the bucket.

Jack Nicholson’s character, a wealthy but irascible old man, was intrigued by the list Morgan started. They decided to take off together on the vacation of a lifetime to drive racecars, go skydiving, and see all the things in the world they had missed. Of course, by the end of the movie, they each acknowledged the importance of family over everything else.



Since seeing the movie when it first came out, I think of that list each time I lose a friend or family member. Did they accomplish their goals? I’m reminded of how important it is to make the most of every single day. We never know how much time we will have on earth. So how do we keep our lives in perspective?

Create a Bucket List for yourself or your family. It can help you prioritize all your hopes, dreams, and plans for the future. You can also include some of the lovely inspirational messages, such as: Stop to smell the roses; Don't count your days, make your days count; Miracles happen to those who believe in them; Never settle for anything less than your best; Count your blessings, not your troubles; Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

Start making your Bucket List today—you don’t need to wait until you are dying. You can easily include both long-term and short-term goals. You’ll discover things to do with your individual family, your larger family entity, your spouse, and even by yourself. Discussing your list with your family and friends allows everyone to not only participate in the planning aspects, but also to share in the satisfaction of their accomplishment.

Think about what experiences you want to share with your family. If you’ve always dreamed of taking them to Alaska, the Grand Canyon, or Disney World, put it on your list. When goals are written down, they are much more likely to happen than if they remain a nebulous idea. Too often, people talk about wanting to do something “one of these days”, but by not setting specific goals, those dreams just fade away.

Travel adventures are a wonderful way to keep your family connected at any age, but they don’t need to become elaborate affairs. A night camping out in the backyard with a pup tent and roasting marshmallows over an open fire can create vivid memories for young children that will last a lifetime. Spending an hour in the backyard watching the stars with a loved one is another delightful way to end a day.

When you write your Bucket List, sprinkle in a variety of goals that can be more easily achieved, such as a walk in the woods, a trip to the zoo, flying a kite, taking a family bike trip, building a birdhouse together, or reading a favorite book. Doing so will establish family traditions that can be repeated many times and built upon each year.

As a Personal Historian, I encourage you to preserve all your precious memories in some way. Talking about them is always great, but you can keep them more permanently by recording them in crayon drawings, in photographs, on an audio recorder or a camcorder, in a scrapbook, or in a lovely memory box with souvenirs of your activities.

Another idea to add to your Bucket List is to write your Ethical Will and update it on a regular basis, say every five years, or after milestone events. An ethical will is a love letter or non-legal legacy to your family, where you share your personal values, your heritage and family stories, the life lessons you’ve learned, advice to share, and your hopes for the future.

Regardless of how elaborate your Bucket List becomes, make the most of every day. Someday, when you may know your days are numbered, you don’t want to say you wish you had done something. Do it now, before it’s too late.

Do you have a Bucket List? If so, what types of items does it contain? I’d love to hear about your experiences.

Heaven Is For Real

This news article from Denver Channel 2 news from Feb 10 is Amazing! It has also been on other stations and programs. The nice thing is this link has a transcription as well as audio & video.

Heaven Is for Real is a great book about a young boy's near-death experience and how his Dad helped spread his story.

http://www.kwgn.com/news/kdvr-after-neardeath-experience-boy-writes-book-heaven-is-real-20110210,0,4074308.story
www.kwgn.com
IMPERIAL, Neb. -- It sounds like a story dreamed up by a little boy, but to understand what Colton Burpo says, you have to hear what he says happened to him. ..

Finally - Spring Is Sprung!

Since Spring in the Midwest is so-o-o slow coming this year, I dug out a previous Ode to Spring post to help it along.

Spring is sprung
The grass is riz
I wonder where
The flowers is!
(Anon.)

When I was a kid, Spring was my least favorite season. I loved Fall, followed in order of preference by Summer, Winter and finally Spring. In the Midwest, Spring was usually wet, rainy and muddy, which meant outdoor adventures were too often thwarted.

But a strange thing has happened. Now that I’ve gotten older, Spring has become my season of choice. Unfortunately, it seems to last for such a very short time in Illinois, followed suddenly by hot, humid weather. In fact, there is a saying that goes “Spring is the loveliest day of the year here.” Ha! I could almost be happy with spring-like weather most of the year, except for the fact that I do enjoy the change of seasons.


Photo by Amber Domke

Our winter seemed especially harsh and drawn out this year, so when it finally started to warm up, we reveled in the changes. Here are just three of the Spring Things we’ve been enjoying.

• FLOWERS – A Rose by Any Other Name . . .
I love to see the Spring flowers, such as daffodils, crocuses and tulips, but I never seem to get around to planting them in the Fall like I should. Maybe the problem is deciding which ones to buy and when/where to plant them.

One year when we lived in Wisconsin, Mom gave me a large package of tulip bulbs for my birthday in November. Now you’d think that would be the perfect time to plant, right? Well, it turned bitterly cold early that year, but I still wanted to get them into the ground. I dragged my 10-year-old son outside and we picked a spot on the south side of the house for planting.
Unfortunately, the ground had turned rock-hard as the temperature plummeted. No way could we break through the frozen crust with our shovels, so we finally brought out a pickaxe!

After working up a sweat taking turns with the big axe, we eventually had a shallow hole about the size of a dinner platter. My plan had been to plant a row all along the back of the house, but that was obviously not going to happen. As the wind picked up and it started to sleet, I made an Executive decision: we carefully positioned all the bulbs into the hole and covered them with frozen chunks of dirt as best we could.

Winter that year turned out to be one for the record books, with unusual cold and snow. When Spring poked its head out at last, we were amazed to see that the new tulips had not only survived, they had thrived! We had the most beautiful flower display imaginable. In fact, it looked like we had planned it that way all along.

If I had to pick just one favorite spring flower, I wouldn’t have to think about it for long. For me, the sunny little dandelions are the true harbinger of Spring. When I see that these resolute little wonders have returned to brighten up our world, I am thrilled. Now, if I could only convince my hubby that he doesn’t need to attack them like Attila the Hun!

• BIRDS – Our Fine Feathered Friends
We have a couple of Maple trees in our yard and were lucky enough to watch a yellow-bellied sapsucker again this year. (Yes, that really is its name. And you probably thought that was just an insulting phrase used in old Westerns on TV, right?)


Photo by Beth LaMie

The Sapsucker migrates North each year and spends up to a week in our part of the country. The picture above shows a replica of the bird and the horizontal holes they drill in the trunk of our favorite bird-watching tree. It was a real treat to sit outside and watch them get the sap running, then lap it up along with insects. We were surprised to see that squirrels also appreciated the fresh sap.

We also get a nice grouping of other birds, such as woodpeckers, cardinals, blue jays, finches and, of course, robins. Sometimes they visit our birdfeeders in harmony, while at other times they squabble and fight until the aggressor has chased the smaller birds away. Squirrels join the mix and delight us by hanging upside-down from the suet feeder, then pull themselves up to grab more tidbits from the wire cage. After all that work, they must develop some awesome abs. LOL

• TREES – Our Friends in the Forest
We had a few days of unseasonably warm weather, followed by much cooler days. The result was that many of the trees stated to show their buds but they didn’t mature fully for quite some time. As a result, we had a much more gradual display of Mother Nature that seemed to occur in slow motion. From one day to the next, we could actually see the slow but sure leafing out of the trees.

One of the benefits of such an unusual awakening is that we could more fully appreciate just a few varieties of trees at a time, instead of everything blossoming in a rush. One day might have a beautiful Magnolia tree in full bloom, while another was the purple plum and finally the apple trees. The steady progression of come into bud and bloom was especially enjoyable when it could be savored over many days.

So here’s the challenge:
What have you seen or experienced this Spring? Have you taken time to smell the roses, or at least dally with the dandelions? If not, it’s still not too late. Take a few minutes each day to renew your energy and your Joie de Vivre – that’s the Joy of Living and something that every one of us can enjoy.

Viva La Spring!

Loss of a Special Lady

Just one week ago, we lost a very special lady—my Aunt Sis. She was a wonderful wife, mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, and neighbor. Fortunately for me, she was also my Godmother and friend.

What made her special was the knack she had for making everyone feel welcome. Friends and family members each got a big hug upon walking into her home, usually followed by an offer to have a cup of coffee, a slice of cake, or at least a piece of chocolate candy that happened to be on a nearby side table.

One of the ways Aunt Sis made me feel special started around the time I turned eight. The wrapping on the birthday present she gave me was unusual: she fashioned a beautiful lacy handkerchief into a flower and tied it with ribbon. I was surprised by her special touch and asked her why she did that.

She replied, “A lady always needs to carry a pretty hanky.”

That hanky was the beginning of a lovely tradition that lasted for many years. I looked forward to discovering her little extra almost as much as the present itself. I saved all those handkerchiefs in my top dresser drawer, to be used only for church on Sunday and special occasions.

My aunt had a knack for growing flowers: Christmas cactus, Amaryllis, violets, and spider plants all thrived under her care. One year, she gave me a spider plant as a housewarming gift; she had raised it on her back porch. I knew the perfect spot for it—atop the laminated beam that ran above the living room of the beautiful log home my husband had just finished building. Each day, when I passed under that beam and saw all the baby spiders hanging gracefully, I thought about her.

When I was a kid, our whole family played a card game called Euchre. Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all gathered in friendly competition. I loved to hear Aunt Sis hoot with laughter when she ‘set’ the opposing team, as well as when her team won a crucial point. Years later, my young son and I often played with her and my mom, including a few games of cribbage for variety.

In her later years, Aunt Sis reached a point where she needed more care than she could get at home. She eventually moved into a nursing home. Something remarkable happened there when I visited her on her 93rd birthday.

When I walked into the facility, she thought I was my mother, her younger sister. As we talked, she kept looking at the clock, until I finally asked if she needed to be somewhere. Her reply surprised me.

“Oh, yes, I need to get ready for my date with Mose.”

Mose had been her husband for over 50 years, and he had passed away some 25 years before.

“Where are you two going?” I asked, curious about her state of mind, obviously dwelling in the distant past.

“We’re going to the wedding dance in Papineau.”

When I asked how they met, this is the story she told me.

“Well, I was standing there talking to Louella. You know her, the one with the bleached blonde hair.” I just nodded in agreement and let her continue.

“While we were talking, Louella kept making eyes at a handsome young man, Mose. She watched him coming toward us and thought he was going to ask her to dance. But he came right up,” she said, pointing to her chest swelled with pride, “and asked me to dance instead of Luella.” Her hand gestures and body motions were priceless. When she said “instead of Luella,” she wiggled her shoulders with a shrug and a satisfied nod of her head, just like a thirteen-year-old girl might do.

For another ten minutes, we carried on a conversation time-trapped somewhere in the 1930’s, where her mind temporarily dwelled. All of a sudden, her demeanor changed significantly, and she was confused about where she was . . . and when. I knew she was having a senior moment, but I enjoyed experiencing those few minutes sharing the past with her.

When I heard Aunt Sis passed away last week, I had a personal mission to find two identical white handkerchiefs with lace trim. The first one, I kept as a lovely reminder of her. The second one, I tucked into her sleeve at the funeral home. I knew she was a real lady, so she needed a nice handkerchief for her trip to Heaven.

Farewell to a lovely lady. She will be sorely missed.

Ethical Wills - Love Letters to Your Family

This article appeared on www.simplemarriage.net on 02/22/2011
An Ethical Will is a simple way to share what is important to you with your family and friends. In fact, it can be a legacy of love and a spiritual gift for your loved ones to remember you by. Many people think about writing an Ethical Will when they are nearing the end of their life. In reality, such wills should ideally be an ongoing practice.

Think about what you wish you knew about your parents, grandparents, and other ancestors. For example, why did they uproot their lives to emigrate from one country to another, such as the original Pilgrims; or from one area of a country to another, such as the pioneers who endured hardships to settle the West in the United States? What personal experiences had the greatest impact on their lives? Those are the types of things about yourself that you can share with your own descendants and friends.

If you knew ahead of time when your life was going to end, what words of wisdom and comfort would you want to leave for your family?

You may have a Last Will and Testament for the legal allocation of your accumulated possessions, as well as a Living Will with instructions for handling medical concerns, but an Ethical Will gives your family a better understanding of who you are, what is important to you, and what you hope to pass on to them.

Consider starting an Ethical Will as soon as possible, regardless of your age.

Update it regularly after, or in preparation for, major milestones, such as graduations, marriage and divorce, births and deaths, personal achievements and disasters. Reviewing each version can show how much you have changed and grown over the years.

One of the most rewarding writing workshops I’ve done was for a group of high school seniors at an inner city school in Dublin, Ireland.

When we talked about Personal Values, they readily opened up about what was important to them, how they had learned them, and from whom. Some students were normally quite reticent about sharing their thoughts or participating in classroom discussions; fortunately, this topic struck a chord with them and helped them open up.

There are no hard and fast rules for the content of an Ethical Will, but usually they consist of some or all of the following elements:

1.Greetings
2.Your History – Past & Present
3.Personal Values
4.Lessons from Life Experiences
5.Hopes for the Future
6.Final Thoughts

The specific format of your Ethical Will is insignificant compared to the priceless legacy you leave. Whether you choose to write it or record it electronically, you have several options.

1.The oldest method, used for some 3500 years by the Jewish community, is to write it on paper; now it is easy to enter it into one of many word processors on a computer.
2.Other options are to create an audio recording, perhaps reading one’s own Ethical Will aloud, or using a camcorder to capture not only the person’s voice, but their image as well.
3.Artistic people may prefer to take a less traditional path to create an expression of who they are. They may enjoy painting, weaving, writing poetry, scrapbooking, photography, or a vast variety of other media.

Long-term storage is important to consider, regardless of the recording method used. For example:

1.Electronic data storage is continually evolving. Media used years ago, such as floppy disks or 8-track tapes, have not only deteriorated, they cannot easily be heard now due to the rarity of equipment. Here is an interesting website that lists all the retro medias that have become obsolete, courtesy of the University At Buffalo Libraries.
2.Photographs and papers can last over 100 years, depending on storage. Hard drives last 5-8 years at best. If you write or print your Ethical Will, make certain you use archival paper; in addition, store it in a safe place away from heat, light, and humidity.
3.Keep a copy of your Ethical Will at home as a personal reminder of who you are and what you have accomplished. It can be uplifting on those days when you need a little lift.

When to share your Ethical Will with your family and friends is another consideration.

1.Ideally, the sooner an Ethical Will is shared with loved ones, the better. Doing so can be an excellent opportunity to grow closer to the people who matter most. It can also establish a line of communication that might otherwise not be possible.
2.Many people prefer to save their Ethical Will until after they have passed away. They may choose to have it read at their wake, funeral, or memorial service. In this case, it is especially important that the Ethical Will be given to a specific person who is charged with its dissemination at a designated time.
3.Review your Ethical Will regularly, such as every five years. Think of it as a work in progress, rather than a one-time occurrence. It is interesting to see how your values and advice for others may have changed over the years.

There are many excellent sources for more details about writing your Ethical Will, including the Association of Personal Historians (APH) and Barry Baines, M.D.

In addition, we will discuss in a future column how to get started on your own Ethical Will.

Have you considered writing an Ethical Will? If so, what are your thoughts and concerns about them? We love to get you input and feedback!

(photo source: www.flickr.com/photos/spaceamoeba/)

ETHICAL WILL RETREAT

Have you left a legacy for your family? An Ethical Will is a love letter to the family that passes on personal stories, values, beliefs, blessings and advice from one generation to another. The perfect time to write one is before or after any milestone events, such as a birth, adoption, marriage, achievement, or part of estate planning as we mature.

Join us for a retreat at The Center in Palos Park, IL. (See details below, from p.7 of their newsletter.)

It's from 5 PM Friday night to 5 PM Saturday, Feb 18 and 19th. With our guidance and direction, the retreat participants will write their Ethical Will and leave with a beautiful archival document they will love.

I'm excited about presenting this retreat with Eileen Kerlin Walsh. It falls in very nicely with workshops I've done on Personal Values, which is one important part of an Ethical Will. As an additional incentive, I'll offer a free copy of my book, Granny's Guide to Fun & Fabulous Family Stories, for those of you who join us for the retreat. Just send me an email message (beth@bethlamie.com) after you register at www.thecenterpalos.org and I'll bring your copy with me.

Feel free to forward this message to any friends and contact me with any questions or suggestions. Your ongoing support is greatly appreciated.

PERSONAL GROWTH RETREAT:
Writing a legacy of your values

Friday, Feb. 18, 5 p.m. – Saturday, Feb. 19, 5 p.m.

Retreat leaders: Eileen Kerlin Walsh, Beth LaMie and Lois Lauer

You are invited to reflect upon your life's journey, and write your own personal Ethical Will, which is "a personal legacy that transmits your non-material assets, your values, your story, the lessons life has taught you, the information that is too valuable to risk being lost." Using this wonderful description by author Susan Turnbull, Eileen and Beth will help you to write meaningful ethical wills--to your children, to yourself, perhaps to the world.

The weekend will include time for reflection and writing, time for inspiring guidance, time for walks in the woods, and of course, time for fellowship, fun, and relaxa-tion. Eileen Kerlin Walsh is a personal growth seminar leader, inspirational speaker, and practicing estate lawyer. Beth LaMie is an international speaker, author, and personal historian. Cost per participant is $116 which includes leadership, accommodations, meals, and all major supplies. Early registration is advised!

The Center
The Chicago Southwest Suburban Community Parish and Community Center Foundation
12700 Southwest Highway, Palos Park, IL 60464
708-361-3650
http://www.thecenterpalos.org
email: centerpalospark@sbcglobal.net

Barely Bear-able

During the summer before my Junior year in high school, I had some rather exciting adventures. My favorite uncle and aunt decided to take a vacation to Ely, Minnesota. When they went fishing, their three children were too young to stay by themselves, so Uncle T asked me to go along to babysit.

At fifteen years old, I was thrilled to be going on vacation without my family. It was the perfect arrangement for all of us. The grownups could fish all day, my cousins could safely swim and have fun, while I got to work on my summer tan. I don’t recall if I earned any money, but that was the least of my concerns.

We stayed at a family-oriented fishing resort with a dozen or so simple cabins arranged along the lake shore. In addition to a playground with a swing set and sandbox, there was a lovely sand beach. Keep in mind that until that time, I’d never seen a real beach before, so that was a special new experience.

The very first day we went swimming in the lake, I learned a critical lesson: always check each other for leeches when getting out of the water! Never having heard of them before, I was appalled to see the slimy little black creatures clinging to our legs and ankles. Hearing them called blood-suckers certainly didn’t make me feel any more kindly toward them, either. Fortunately, they were easy to pull off and toss back into the water.

Many years later, I finally learned to appreciate using leeches as bait when fishing for walleyes. I found it pretty easy to stick the barb of the fishhook right through the sucker, which allows the leech to undulate in the water. Of course, each time we start fishing for the day, I always seem to lose the first leech. No, I don’t lose it to a fish. When the leech twists around and starts sucking on my thumb, I get disgusted and toss it overboard. After that, I’m good baiting my hook for the rest of the day.

One other little adventure on that trip earned me a scolding when I got home. It seems that every night, we heard bears rummaging in the trash cans behind the cabins. The cans were covered with tight-fitting lids, but they were no match for a big black bear knocking them over and pouncing on them.



Uncle T and Aunt J left right after lunch to go fishing and the young boys had arranged to play for the afternoon with some kids in the next cabin. Cousin V was just a few years younger than me and came along to the local garbage dump to look for bears. We thought it was a keen idea to get a picture up close and personal, not realizing the potential danger.

Walking very quietly along the road to the dump, we rounded a curve and suddenly saw a black bear picking through the choice garbage. V stayed back near the road, while I carefully inched my way closer to the critter that was chomping away. From just ten feet away, I could hear the bear snapping and crunching through bones with her powerful jaws. I quickly took a couple of photos and silently walked backwards to the road.

Whew! My heart was pounding like a jackhammer, but the bear just snuffled a bit and moved farther toward the back of the dump. Only later did we find out the female had a pair of cubs that could have been nearby. Once back home, I got the pictures developed and, in my enthusiasm, made the mistake of showing them to my parents. They let me know in no uncertain terms that I would never be that foolish again.

In retrospect, I learned a lot from that summer, but especially, I knew that I was actually growing up. And with growing up, I had to face the responsibilities that went along with it.